September 16

Day-to-day urges
always suppressed
they compress
they get ugly.

Going to Hell in a lavender hand-basket
Paved with good intentions
But the deeds are by the wayside
With everything I ever meant to tell you.
Goodbye, my mind
Why are you floating over there?
I am minuscule
A giant
I am in your blood, your bones
Bones, bones, bones.
"Three is the number of the day", the blackbird said.
Birds cover the sky
Huge and foreboding
Tiny dove, shot down
Cannon
Fwoosh
Smoke
Flash
Rewind
Replay
Sob, sob, sob
Shiver, shake, hyperventilate.
I'm sorry I collapsed on your sweatshirt
Who are you?
Are you me?
Or her?
Or someone else entirely?
Are you paper?
Flesh?
Aether?
I fall apart
Out of sight
Out of mind
Almost-but-never-quite out of reach.
Who to trust, who to tell?
Who shall keep my secrets well?
Your hair, your hair
It's wet
Soft
Unnatural.
You worry me, I worry you
Don't laugh, just understand.
Why haven't you changed?
Don't you feel the least bit strange?
You, you, you.
So many people, so many words
They'll never know
Oh no, no, no
They stay here
Between my head and the world
Caught safely, never to be let free
Oh no, no, no
Freedom is such an illusion.
I dare you
Wrap your self-important mind around this
Around me.
Go ahead, fuck with my mind some more.
Maybe this time I'll fuck you up, too.
But no
I'm too meek and docile and stupidly virtuous
Damnit, I want to get even
But it's all in my head.
If I'm a balloon, what are you?
Need to forget, forgive, belong.
Don't drift away again
Come closer
Get away from me
I can't stand the distance and the crowd.