Sealed

What the hell was I thinking?
You weren't, that's for god-damned sure.
I always come back to you
I don't know why
It always ends with me hating you again
Our relationship wanes
And I can no longer wax poetic
Eloquence is lost to me now
No pretty words flow out to describe this
This is something entirely new
A new brand of emotion
Cutting deep
Dark and caustic
As you keep ripping out the scar tissue.
Good thing I'm good with cover-up
And you're all but blind
Your eyes stitched shut
With hypnotic chemicals.
You plead, say you love her.
Prove it.
I can't believe you.
Not anymore.
I don't even trust myself
To look you in your saccharin eyes
Without losing control of my tightly-wound temper.
You're scared of losing us
You should be.
You're so goddamned lucky
That we've got heads like plateaus
That we know it's not worth this...
This alkaline burn
It'll heal
We've both got scars already.
But I still can't comprehend
How your mind works
Is it clockwork?
Have you ever read between lines
Or paused
Just
Waited
One
More
Moment
In consideration, contemplation
Of what could happen?
Weighed worths balanced by the world on your shoulders?
But your atlas is much too restricted
So you're not conflicted
Just looking back, regretful
As you finally realize
Oh, shit, this'll hurt
This could...
This could break.
And as my eyes are forced
Wider and wider
Squint as I might
Every inch gained
Pushes me right back to the beginning
Overcoming every frantic attempt
To accept
Forgive
At the very least, forget.
But it's so much worse than even I thought
Despite my mind's delirious hyperbole.
The tiny light in the center of my brain
That holds my trust in you
Every day I try to make it grow
But with every inch gained
It dwindles more and more
And despite all your pleading words
You seem determined to snuff it out completely.
Isolation can only do so much
I have to confront this sometime
But every time I try...
Every determined ounce of steeled nerves run screaming
From your laughing eyes and playful hands
And I smile and fold
Just like always.